I am sorry to tell you
It never gets better or worse
But you'll get used to it after a spell
For heaven is hell in reverse
The failed Don Juan in the big bow-tie
Is very sorry that he spoke
For he's mislaid his punchline
More than half-way through a very tasteless joke
The fraulein caught him peeking down her gown
He's yelling in her ear
And all at once the music stopped
As he was intimately bellowing "My dear"
This is hell, this is hell, this is hell.
My favourite things are playing
Again and again
But it's by Julie Andrews
And not by John Coltrane
Endless balmy breezes in perfect sunsets framed
Vintage wine for breakfast
And naked starlets floating in champagne
All the passions of your youth
Are tranquilized and tamed
You may think it looks familiar
Though you may know it by another name
Elvis Costello
